This morning I woke up to my cat and a much larger neighbor cat fighting in the window well nearest to my bed. I jumped out of bed in a literal panic, scooped my beloved fur baby into my arms, and slammed the window shut before the other cat could get inside. Both cats were okay, but I found myself shaken- still sleepy and heart racing. In this moment, I remembered that today was my first official day as Manager of TGS Collective. Monday smacked in the face with an impressive right hook.
The earliest Easter I can remember passed in a flash, just like that a new month appeared, and it happened to be the official welcoming of my birthday month. (Yes, I am one of those people who celebrates who for an entire month.) Despite all the wonderful family time and positive changes in my life, it all seemed to be out weighed by the fact that I (to be frank) now had a shit ton more work, responsibility, and to-do lists than ever before. As manager, I am in charge of interviewing all future collective members and deciding their fate. *insert evil laugh* All jokes aside, the collective already has 400+ members AND has more than 200 new applications every month. All of this on top of continuing my modeling and acting career, launching a new jewelry collection, dropping my first merch clothing line, releasing my first self-written album, AND writing a movie. Honestly, if I think too hard I bet I left some stuff out that I'm doing too! If it's creative I do it... Hence, my minor freak out this morning. Those pesky thoughts of self-doubt and worry sure do love to pop in when you're seeking growth and opportunity.
"How will you ever be able to step up to the plate?"
"Are you sure you're ready for this?"
"You're only 23, can you really co-run a business AND do everything else you've already committed to?!"
Sound familiar? We all have these thoughts from time to time, but the trick is not giving them the power. Repeat after me: I am not my thoughts. I am not my emotions. I am the observer.
Today, like every other day, I had a choice. A choice to believe a passing thought that I might fail or to dive straight into my fears and trust fall. Trust fall into the reality of my choosing. I like to take on the perspective of the observer. By detaching from my thoughts and emotions, I am able to see how fleeting they truly are. I am not my feelings or my thoughts or even my body. I am the soul observing and experiencing it all. My body is my vehicle guiding me through this life. What a relief to not be every single thought I've ever had about myself or others. What a relief to not be defined by my current emotional state. With each thought and emotion, we are given the opportunity to learn a lesson. If we do not learn the lesson, then the same opportunity or "problem" will keep manifesting in our life in different forms until we receive the message. See how perspective plays a big role here? The same event could be a tragedy for someone and an awakening to another. We chose our own reality. It's a shame that so many would rather be in a painful situation that is familiar than to trust fall into a new reality that is scary because it's new and unknown.
The beauty is that you get to decide, every single day, if you're going to live in a loving reality or in a fearful one.
So which do you decide?
Photographer: Sterling Reed
MUA: Kyrsta Morehouse
Jacket: Boda Skins