Motivation Monday March 26, 2018 Yoga and Healing From My Abortion

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Monday's are universally dreaded, especially when it's a Monday during mercury retrograde... talk about a double whammy. I woke up today with a list of shit to get done and no motivation to be found. I dragged my butt out of bed anyway, made myself a cup of coffee, and made damn sure I didn't miss my 1:00 o'clock Deep Healing Yoga class. And you know what? I feel like a completely new human! This is exactly why I love yoga so much. No matter how hard my day is or how crappy I feel, I have never left a yoga class feeling worse. In fact, every single time I have felt at least 50% better. The Monday Blues inspired me to start writing a 'Motivation Monday' Blog Post every week where I am simply honest about my experiences and how I get shit done even during turbulent times. I've struggled with anxiety and depression since a young age, but now that I have the proper tools my mental health is miles from where it used to be. Yoga is basically my go-to universal healer. Feeling sad? Go to yoga. Feeling conflicted? Go to yoga. Not feeling sexy? GO TO YOGA! 


I took my first Yoga Teacher Training in 2014 as a 20 year old with big dreams and no idea how to accomplish them to my fullest potential. I was the youngest person in my training, but I was determined to help people discover the mental, physical, and emotional benefits of yoga. Even if I was a blonde, white American girl who had just left her teenage years behind her a short 4 months prior to signing up for Samadhi's RYT-200 Hour Program.  During my time in this training, my boyfriend of the time dumped me AND I found out we were pregnant. I guess I bragged about beating teen pregnancy a little too early... HA! We were young, freshly heartbroken, and broke. By no means were we ready to raise a child together, so I made the very difficult decision to have an abortion during the tail end of my training. I was honest with all my teachers and classmates about my experience and why I wasn't as physically able to hold the postures and why I was bleeding through an old granny pad every hour and rushing to the bathroom in hopes of not embarrassing myself further by bleeding through my pants. Abortion is a taboo topic, and most women (even ones who have had this same experience) rarely talk about it. 

Once I opened up about choosing to have an abortion , many women in my training and my personal life confided in me that they too had gotten an abortion, but didn't tell anyone for fear of judgment. In that moment, I promised myself that I would be honest about my experiences in hopes of inspiring other women to do the same. 

When I walked up to Planned Parenthood, I was greeted by a security team to escort me to the front door because there were over 30 people protesting, screaming HORRIFIC things at me, throwing things, and displaying photos of graphic still borns posing as abortions. And want to know the worst part? The security team informed me that these 'people' are salaried employees by a local church, and they are literally there as work. Torturing everyone who walks in regardless of if they happen to be getting an abortion or a cancer screening or just access to free contraceptives and STD testing. Those protestors had no idea why I was there, or why anyone else was there, and yet they harassed us to the point where security was necessary for patients to enter the building unharmed. Can we just take a second and think about that... and the fact that it costed over $800 and 36 days of me in horrific agony. 

All the while, I made it to class anyways. I pulled my bloody self out of bed for class anyways. Why you ask? Maybe I needed to prove to myself that I would heal eventually, maybe if I needed to distract myself from the emotional and physical pain, or maybe I knew deep down that yoga was the key to my recovery. 

I told my classmates and teachers what I was experiencing at our Yoga Retreat at The Starhouse just outside of Boulder, CO. A beautiful yurt that is perfectly aligned to the four directions, 12 zodiac signs, and has never had any form of technology inside of it. A scared space, the perfect safe circle for me to be honest and open about what I was experiencing. I hadn't returned to The Starhouse until yesterday. Another yoga retreat, 3 1/2 years later. 

I am currently taking a 100HR Immersion at Samadhi as a refresher and quite honestly as closure. Yesterday at our retreat, we spent all day in noble silence, ate lunch alone in nature, and practiced meditation, puja, and asana together. I didn't know if I wanted to  share my experience with this new group of classmates, but by the end of the day I knew I had to be honest. I opened up to the class and thanked them for holding space for me and allowing myself to feel it all come full circle. I made the right choice. After 3 1/2 years I can finally say confidently that I am proud to have not raised a child before I knew I was ready. I was proud to be honest about my abortion and my journey. and you know what? I wasn't the only woman in that room who had made the same difficult choice. 

That's when it all becomes worth it. If I can help just one person by simply being honest about my life, then how could I not? Being honest takes very little effort and has a huge impact on everyone around us. Chances are you're not alone, you just have the perception of being alone because most people are too scared to be honest ESPECIALLY about taboo topics. 

But I am here to tell you, you're not alone. You can do it. You're already doing it! You woke up today. Take advantage of that gift. And if life is kicking you in the ovaries, put on your sexiest undies, make yourself a cup of coffee, and get your ass to a yoga class. I promise you the emotional, mental, physical, AND spiritual benefits will start to melt away all that junk you've been carrying around since Alec Weed made the entire middle school class sing "Mati Fatty Chicken Patty."

The point is, we all have our stories, our dramas, and our pain. We also all have the opportunity to learn and grow from these situations we find ourselves in. The universe would never give you a challenge or obstacle that you aren't ready for. Growing pains are a real fucking thing, and if you're asking for growth then get ready for discomfort and pain. It's all a part of the process, and even pain can be a gift if your perspective shifts a little.

Yoga got me through my darkest days, and I now have the privilege of providing that gift and tool to my community. If this post resonated with you, I challenge you to check out the online yoga classes and guided meditations that I offer. No matter what you're going through or healing from, yoga can help facilitate the process in a healthy and supportive way. 

Click the yoga/wellness tab on my explore bar for more info!

All the love and Happy Monday! I'm here to tell you that YOU CAN DO IT!


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